Booze

I discovered the pleasing and nutritional effects of alcohol at a fairly old age - 18 (shhhh...don't tell my dad, he might try a retroactive citizens arrest. Or a real arrest. Not sure if he still has that authority).

While I consumed a drink or two back in the day, the first time I experienced intoxication was in January 1993 - it was the first night back at school following Christmas break. I was a freshman about to start my 2nd collegiate semester. Yes, you read correctly - I spent the first three months of my adult life at one of the country's biggest party schools, and did not once get drunk. In fact, now that I am staring at these words, I feel so pathetic that I can't even come up with a snappy one liner.

Anyway, I somehow ended up at a random gathering in another dorm. And somehow I ended up consuming 13 Busch Lights. The fact that it is possible for a person who has never before gotten drunk to consume 13 Busch Lights ought to tell you a little something about the potency of Busch Light, but I digress. At the end of the night, I somehow stumbled back to my room, although if you have ever seen someone spin their body around the end of a baseball bat and then race down a field, you can get a fair idea of what I mean by "stumbled." Amazingly, I somehow did not get sick.

But I did spend the next 5 days hungover.

I'm not kidding. The party was on Sunday night and I was supremely hung (oh yes, a double entendre) until lunchtime on Friday. I may have consumed a total of 600 calories that entire week, which proves two things. First, I am not a smart man. Second, there may be money to be made by designing a weight loss regimen around really bad beer.

Like most everyone, I have done some pretty dumb things as a result of alcohol, many of which can be found here. Now that I am a responsible adult - albeit one with very few actual adult responsibilities (praise Jesus!) - it is extremely rare for me to drink enough to fully inebriate myself because the negative sensations associated with hangovers far outweigh the positive feelings associated with getting drunk. This is mostly because I have the pain tolerance of France. It just isn't worth it.

Today, I actually imbibe more than ever before, but at a reduced volume. There is something about coming home after a long day, having a drink and relaxing. One drink. Good enough for me.

Interestingly, while most people enjoy a wide variety of cocktails, for me it is either beer, wine or whiskey. Maybe it is because I have always been somewhat hesitant to try new things. Or maybe it's because I don't feel like taking out a loan to afford the gimme-all-your-moneytini at the lounge-of-the-month. I am a bit curious, however. Do other people have as limited a palate for drinks as I do? Or is it common to have a few favorites and stick with what you know?

Fun fact: During my fairly frequent trips to the Holy Land, my alcohol consumption is nill. Why you ask? How could I possible resist free booze, which is readily available in a variety of forms at a casino? Easy.

First, the booze isn't free - you have to be gambling in order to get it, and given that the majority of people play games where the odds favor the house, that "free" drink can actually cost you a few hundred dollars.

Second, as much as I love Sin City as a vacation destination, my time there is a business trip. I am there to make money and remaining sober - thus increasing the small chance that I actually play smartly - is typically more successful than getting plastered. Go figure.

And while you may be tempted to have me examined by a mental health professional for not drinking when in Vegas, just remember: you can't fight genetics.