Anyone seen the 24 inch pythons?

A few months ago, I was saddened to learn of the passing of the great Conrad Efraim. You may remember him as the great Special Delivery Jones, one of the all-time mediocre wrestlers in WWF history.

Yep, you have stumbled upon a post about wrestling. Reports that I can come up with nothing else to blog about are untrue. However, on a recent flight, I caught a few minutes of what passes as wrestling these days. Not sure what channel I was watching, but it could easily have aired on Skinemax. The actual wrestling - which comprised about 25% of the program - was secondary to a hefty dose of "T+A."

Within a few minutes, I had not only changed the channel, but started to think back to the glory days of the WWF - the 1980s. I was just a kid, but I was a big-time fan, along with a lot of other people. In fact, despite the fact that the entire product was fake, the WWF was a strong part of the national sporting culture. Don't believe me? Check this out. Hell, in 1987, nearly 100,000 people attended WrestleMania III."

My dad got me into wrestling in the early 80s. Unlike other 7 year olds who were watching SuperFriends or pining for Smurfette (what a slut), I'd watch the Saturday morning wrestling shows with the old man. For a long time, the WWF used to have monthly events at the old Boston Garden and my Dad and I would go to at least three-quarters of them every year. It was cheap, action-packed, a lot of fun and perhaps most importantly, something that the entire family could watch.

The superstars of the time are well known, including The "Hulkster," he of the 24-inch pythons (biceps), "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (Hulk's archenemy for much of the 80's) , Andre the Giant, "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Ricky "the Dragon" Steamboat. For those of you still reading (anyone?), Macho Man Savage and Ricky Steamboat squared off in what is widely considered the best match of all time, in the aforementioned WrestleMania III. Even though the outcome of the match was pre-determined, the match itself was 20 minutes of non-stop, over-the-top, truly impressive athletic action.

In the glory days, the WWF created PG-rated personas with storylines that can best be labeled as absurd. Notable "tier 2" wrestlers include the Elvis impersonator known as the Honky Tonk Man, George "The Animal" Steele (who, when not eating turnbuckles, was also a high school gym teacher), Koko B. Ware (always accompanied by his maccaw Frankie), the recently-deceased Junkyard Dog and the "tag-team" champions of the era, the British Bulldogs.

And then there were personalities such as Special Delivery Jones, whom calling "mediocre" is like calling Dick Cheney slightly grumpy. Truth is, he was one of the numerous whipping boys that the WWF trotted out to get their tuchus stomped on by the superstars at the time. There was literally dozens of these "jobbers" as they were known in the industry, but "SD" Jones was among the more established ones. Others include Iron Mike Sharpe, (who was named after Iron Mike Tyson. Notice the resemblance?) The appropriately named Mr. X, - who wore a mask and was always introduced as being from "parts unknown." And my all-time favorite jobber, Pete Doherty, otherwise known as the Duke of Dorchester. Doherty was a local who worked full-time at the Quincy Shipyard and several times a year, would be paid a few hundred bucks to spend 5 minutes getting wailed on when the WWF was in town. Rumor has it that Doherty would get loaded before the match so he wouldn't feel as much pain.

See what I mean about this being mostly absurd?

Perhaps my favorite character ever was "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase. His mantra was that "everyone has a price," so he would inevitably buy whatever he wanted. Baring that, he would use money as a lure to embarrass others. Which leads into my favorite WWF-segment:



Wrestling may be fake, but take a look at that little kid's reaction - something tells me this wasn't pre-determined (although I am sure someone paid him after the cameras stopped rolling). Classic. I loved it. It truly was the glory days.

Today, the WWF is still popular - 75,000 were in attendance for last year's WrestleMania and more than 1 million people watched it on pay-per-view. However, much like everything else in this world, the focus shifted from family-friendly to raunchy. And at the risk of coming across as an old-geezer, some things were just better in the old days.