The Boob Toob

I watch TV. A lot of TV. Part of the reason is that I am a couch potato. Part of the reason is that I live in the burbs and when the weather is lousy, what else is there to do? However, now that Vegas is around, I will certainly get out when the weather improves. Oh, and part of the reason is that I like TV.

I like to tell myself that my love of television was mostly due to my folks splitting when I was 6. Of course, I also use that excuse as the main reason why I don't like vegetables. Make of that what you will.

Having a gigantic high-def TV doesn't help. Nor does it help to have a spouse that frequently works nights and weekends. Yes, that's right: I am now blaming my wife. Make of that what you will.

TV has received a bad rap. Sure, little kids should be doing their homework or playing outside rather than watching cartoons all day. And sure, adults should find the time to exercise, eat right and be good little Hulkamaniacs, but for many, TV is a valuable escape vehicle that enables people to briefly disregard the worries and stresses of everyday life. And rumor has it that everyday life seems to be high on worries and stresses as of late.

Think back to the famous TV shows of your day. When I was old enough to watch TV that didn't involve a Muppet, the Dukes of Hazzard was still popular. Cheers was just getting off the ground. And way back when, the show that followed Cheers was often just as funny. The A-Team ruled the world...and defied the laws of common sense: 402,282 bullets fired; zero people killed.

Due to the rapid proliferation of reality TV, there are so many terrible programs on the air right now, that it's sometimes hard to remember some of the truly awful shows of the past. Anyone remember Greatest American Hero? (bonus points if you can name the singer of the show's theme song without looking. Answer below.) Mr. Belvedere? ALF?? Manimal??? Oh yes, a crime-fighting crusader who can morph into any animal he wishes. Now that I think of it, I'd rather watch that than just about anything on MTV, so that's saying something.

Today, despite the widespread perception that TV will rot the brain, most of what I watch is non-scripted, which means that it must be educational.

My current weekly schedule:

Sunday:
Extreme Makeover, Home Edition - Two reasons why this show rocks. First, it's important to see that goodness still exists (even if it is for ratings). Second, it's fun to guess how many seconds into the show it takes Jenn to start crying.

High Stakes Poker - Real players playing poker for real money. An awful lot of it. As in, tens or hundreds of thousands, per hand.

Iron Chef America - Sure, I wouldn't eat 10% of what is made, but these guys know their stuff.

Monday:
Football (Seasonal)
Baseball (Seasonal)
Basketball (Seasonal)
Hockey (Seasonal)

Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives - One of my favorite shows. Guy Fieri might have one of the best jobs on earth. Right behind the guy who starred in Manimal.

Tuesday:
Fringe - Yep, another sci-fi show, but it's really funny. And most often, really gross.

Wednesday:
LOST - Best show on TV.

Throwdown with Bobby Flay: He became a TV whore, but it's pretty neat to see Flay beat local favorites at their own specialty, with only a day of practice.

Thursday:
Survivor - The show is in it's 18th edition, and the contestants make the same dumb decisions every time. You'd think that when playing for $1 million, they'd do a little homework.

CSI - I miss Grissom, but Morpheus has settled in nicely.

Friday:
Terminator (Sarah Connor Chronicles) - This show is getting killed in the ratings; too bad.

Dog Whisperer - Not only do I watch this show, Vegas sometimes will sit on the couch and stare at the TV for the entire hour. I'm serious. Ask Jenn. Better yet, ask Vegas.

Battlestar Galactica - Another outstanding show that wraps up in a couple of weeks.

Miscellaneous:
Daily Show/ Colbert Report - Far better than any other late night program. Guaranteed to have several laugh out loud moments every night. Tivo and watch on the weekends.

Deadliest Catch - It's strange: every episode is almost identical, but it's amazing to watch those guys do their job.

Phantom Gourmet - The program has poor production values, is shameless in plugging their own advertisers and the host is annoying as hell. But they focus mostly on food that will kill you, which makes it A-OK in my book.


Add it up and it comes to only 5 scripted programs for the entire week. However, it should be noted that most of these programs are DVR'd and not watched as they air. So while the rest of the cultured people are out and about - learning a new skill, indulging in a hobby, making the world a better place - I am settled comfortably on the couch furthering my understanding of fole gras and how giant slugs can crawl up a man's throat and out his mouth. Take that, you losers.

Answer: Joey Scarbury.