FREEDOM!

There is an old saying in my head: Jesus taketh away and Jesus giveth. At least that's how it has played out since we moved into the parsonage. There can be no doubt, I may be one of the luckiest idiots on earth...and certainly the most fortunate Jew in Weymouth - not only do I get to live off The Lord's dime, but even more improbably, Jenn hasn't thrown me out yet (don't worry, between now and the apocalypse, there's plenty of time).

Still, for all the good things that have happened since we moved last August, weighing extremely heavily on my broad and charming shoulders has been the fact that my maiden voyage into the real estate market did not play out exactly as I had hoped – which is probably what the Captain of the Hindenburg thought when he started to smell smoke. Clearly, this tends to happen when one buys at the very height of the bubble. In fact, I am reasonably certain that signing the closing papers in 2005 with my pen actually caused the bubble to burst, so there is a good chance I started to lose value in my home before I actually left the lawyer's office.

Anyway, we arrived at the parsonage with some excess baggage, in the form of a personal loan needed to cover the loss on the condo. How much, you ask? Well, almost enough to buy one of these. It was my own fault, really. In a rush to buy a condo, I sorta, kinda, maybe didn’t pay attention to the fact that the town was a hellhole and wasn't close to either a T station or any major highways. Naturally, I couldn't wait to move in a couple years earlier. In a related story, I have some shares of Epilady and Skybus that I'm looking to unload. Any takers?

6 months and 10 days after we started plowing all of our resources into beheading the monster, we’re done. I am not posting this out of arrogance. I understand how fortunate we are to be in this situation, but since we moved, I've been constantly reminded of how I failed in the real-estate market and it didn't feel particularly good.

But if you'll humor me, I am going to enjoy the accomplishment for one day, because after today, while I bask in the glory provided by Mr. The Christ, a perfect storm is brewing within my family. My uncle and I have decided to boycott Passover dinner this weekend. Stay tuned.