Journalist For a Day

I know what you're thinking - two blog posts in the same week? What did I do to deserve such reward? You did nothing - but I am feeling extra generous. Besides, this one is easy.

Every week in the summer, I play on the work softball team. The following day, someone from the team writes a recap of the game in quasi-journalistic fashion. Last year, I pretty much did "the write-up" full-time. The office seemed to enjoy my unique, clever, satirical (insane) fake articles. This year, things have been a bit busy, so the one I wrote this morning was my first of the summer. Since some of you inexplicably have praised my writing style, I thought it would be neat to post last night's game recap to the blog. Our team is called The Force.

Enjoy.

BLOWOUT

Force steamrolls FAMA to continue perfect season; Whitman sparks concern by opting for water over beer

By Bruce Wayne

WALTHAM, Mass. – 26-2. And it wasn’t even that close.

The Force produced their best all-around game in several years, crushing longtime rival FAMA in front of a raucous home crowd at SleepApneaInfo.com Field in Newton. With the win, your hometown heroes improved their record to 8-0 and with two games to go, are one step closer to perfection in the mythical PR/Analyst/Trade Publication/Insurance softball league.

Despite the decisive victory, Manager Emily Fisher kept a sense of perspective. “We’re happy to get the win. We’ll enjoy it tonight and then start preparing for next week,” said Fisher. “I thought the team played well. Like every week, we did some good things and we did some not-so-good things. We’re always trying to find a way to improve.”

The Force needs one more victory to advance to the championship game where they could make history as the first undefeated team in the history of the league. This year’s game will be played in Glendale, Arizona.

Fisher, however, wouldn’t look ahead.

“Look, all we can do is prepare for the next game,” she said. “Our focus is on Lois Paul & Partners. They are a well-balanced team – they run well, they hit well and they field well. We’re going to have to play at our best if we want to chance to win.”

As for the game, The Force played nearly flawless softball. Offensively, Schwartz was firing on all cylinders. The team scored 8 runs in the first inning, followed by 10 runs in the second. Perhaps more impressively was how the team played on defense. In three of the seven innings, Schwartz did not allow a baserunner, sending FAMA down 1-2-3. By the time FAMA came to bat in the top of the 5^th, Schwartz clung to a 22-0 lead. Thoughts of a shutout were dispelled when FAMA eeked out a single run in the 5^th and the 6^th. Fittingly, the game ended on a spectacular diving catch made by shortstop Zach “Isn’t he dreamy?” Servideo, who made the play on a ball hit to shallow left field. Servideo could be seen signing autographs for himself after the game.

While the outcome was never in doubt, there were several storylines off the field. Outfielder Andrew Law, who raised the ire of the fandom by sitting out the last several games while claiming soreness in his knees, returned to action last night. This is not the first time Law has raised suspicions about his injury status and with The Force not having yet committed to picking up his option for next season, there is speculation that Director of Player Personnel Mike Farber is entertaining trade offers for the embattled SAE. Law had no comment after the game but did go a perfect 4-for-4 on the evening and scored 3 runs.

The crack marketing staff at SleepApneaInfo.com field staged two promotions for last night’s game. The first was “Bring your kids to the park night.” Both FAMA and Schwartz had strong family support, although it should be noted that many of the FAMA kids were crying by the end of the game, reportedly driven to tears by the team’s poor performance. As for The Force, it is likely not a coincidence that the team’s best game of the year coincided with visits from Jack Farber and Harrison, Delaney and Jared Kabat. Force players opened the bench area to the offspring and could be seen playing with them in between innings.

The second promotion – “Catch the ball with something other than your glove night” – seemed to be designed strictly for FAMA. At various points in the game, opposing players eschewed gloves and attempted to make a play using feet, chests and arms. While this approach seemed to keep the medics busy, it was not as successful in keeping The Force off the scoreboard.

Notebook

The team made a triumphant return to RJ Crowleys in West Newton last night for postgame fun. In 2006, after several years at Crowleys, the team relocated their after party to Paddy’s Pub. However, ongoing logistical issues – including lost reservations and one very bad order of mussels – sparked the return to a once-favorite stomping ground. While the food and drink were top-notch, attention was focused squarely on infielder/outfielder/all-around nice guy Tim Whitman, who drank several glasses of water, but only one beer (normally, it’s the other way around). Whitman, who declined comment, is thought to be suffering from a moderate case of abdominal overhang and is restructuring his caloric intake in preparation for his nuptials to the very lovely Lauren Arnold. As a result, bartenders around the Boston-area have designated today as an official period of mourning.

For the first time this year, every Schwartz player had at least one hit and scored at least one run. Despite the offensive outburst, Schwartz did not hit any home runs, although to be fair, the team noticeably dialed back their aggressiveness in the later innings. Statistics for each player is below.

39 days until kickoff.

Next Week: The pursuit of perfection continues next week with a rare August road game as The Force takes on Lois Paul & Partners in Woburn.

PLAYER STATISTICS:
Mike Farber (OF): 5 for 5; 3 runs scored

Jess Fiorelli (1B): 4 for 5; 2 runs scored

Jon Siegal (3B): 5 for 5; 2 runs scored

Dave McKee (SS): 3 for 5; 1 run scored

Tim Whitman (IF/OF): 3 for 5; 3 runs scored; 1 beer; 3 waters

Chuck Kabat (OF): 5 for 5; 3 runs scored

AJ Gosselin (C/OF): 4 for 4; 3 runs scored

Zach Servideo (IF/OF/C): 1 for 4; 1 run scored

Andrew Law (OF): 4 for 4; 3 runs scored

Nick Gosselin (IF/OF): 4 for 5; 1 run scored

Jeff Benanto (IF/C): 1 for 4; 1 run scored

Emily Fisher (P): 3 for 4; 3 runs scored