Dream Job

My first dream job? School bus driver.

My second dream job? Cashier in the cafeteria of the local supermarket. I figured it would entitle me to as many grilled cheese sandwiches as I could eat.

(Editors note: is there a better sandwich than the grilled cheese? I think not).

According to my parents, I was 4 and 6 years old, respectively, at the time I made these career ambitions known. Worth noting that during this two year period, they separated and would later divorce. Clearly, they could not handle my impending employment doom.

For much of my elementary and middle school years, I aspired to be an airline pilot. And I would have been if it wasn't for those meddling kids...and the fact that I was deficient in two very important criteria - mathematics and patience. Other than simple arithmetic, I've never been good at math. As for patience? Well, perhaps you remember this.

It's one thing to be seated in 14A and resigned to the fact that there is nothing I can do when it's announced that we are number 12 for takeoff. However, if I were up front, things could get ugly:

Air Traffic Control: Continental 170, taxi to runway 28 left. You will be number 12 for departure, just behind the United 747 and the biplane operated by Mike's Cropdusting.

Me: What the F*ck? This place is a freaking disaster! Is that a pickup truck up front? No way I am getting stuck behind this mess...

ATC: Continental 170? You don't have authorization to pass. Also, I can see you giving the finger to the guy in the biplane. That is unprofessional.

Me: Shove it, ATC. This is ridiculous. I can see that there aren't any breakdowns ahead. If everyone else wants to go 4 mph, that's their business. I'm not putting up with it. They're all driving like an 80 year old woman.

ATC: Continental 170, the taxiway isn't wide enough for you to go around. You're going to end up...

ATC: Airport emergency services, we have a Continental 767 in Boston Harbor....


Today, I have a good job that is mostly interesting, pays reasonably well, offers better-than- average benefits and has allowed me to form what I hope are several lifelong friendships. Do I dread going to work every day? Absolutely not. Is it my dream job? Absolutely not.

I would think that it is rare for a person to end up in their dream job. Often times, these jobs are limited in supply and heavily in demand. Some are skill dependent, such as athletics, acting or dancing. Others may require sacrifices - i.e., a small salary or excessive schooling - that many people are not willing to make.

As for me, I would gladly turn in my building's security card for a chance to:

• Host a sports radio show. My workday would be 3-4 hours long, watching/attending games would be mandatory and as the morons at WEEI demonstrate repeatedly (I'm talking about you Pete Shepherd), I don't need to know what I am talking about in order to be successful.
  

• Play poker for a living. However, I wouldn't attempt this unless and until I hit the lottery, so that my financial future is not based on whether the 23 year old dilweed on the other side of the table, who called all of my raises with a Jack-4, ends up making his hand on the river.
  

• Be on the ratings board of the Motion Picture Association of America. Yep, it's a full-time position where people get paid to watch movies and assign a rating to them. Fun fact: you have to be a parent in order to land this job.
  

• Test video games. Some colleges are now offering this as a major.

Sadly, I don't see myself landing any of these positions any time soon. Or ever. Instead, maybe I'll get into the dog breeding business, completely lose my mind and spend my days breaking the hearts of well-meaning puppy owners everywhere.

Just a thought.