Prime Time

God bless the recession.

Ok, so maybe that is not the politically correct thing to say, especially when I have friends that are out of work. But thanks to the Democrats, they will be collecting unemployment benefits until 2819, so I have peace of mind knowing that they are going to be fine. And if it turns out that they aren't going to be fine, then I will be accepting applications for the 2010 Patriots season. Hey, neither life nor football (aren't they one in the same?) stops just because you are broke.

Because I am a glass half-full type of person, I'm always looking to turn a frown upside down. So while the rest of the world bitches and moans about inconsequential things, such as not having any money, I'm taking note of all the great things about the world's economic clusterf&ck:

• Unbelievable deals on cars. Forget cash for clunkers. You want a car? Wait until November, when the dealers are struggling again and have to get rid of the 2009 inventory. In fact, only if you were at a NAMBLA convention the day after Jack-o died would you have seen as many sad faces as you'll see at a dealership come November.
  

• Unbelievable deals on houses. Let's face it, if you don't currently own but are looking to, the market will never get any better. And I know of what I speak, having incurred a loss of more than $30K when I sold my condo. And to the woman who bought my old place: I just want you to know that I jury-rigged the sink in the 2nd bathroom to temporarily stop leaking just long enough so that it would pass inspection. Take that.
  

• Unbelievable deals on Prime steak. In fact, this bullet it so important, I am going to devote the rest of the blog entry to it.

If you know me just a little bit, then you know I am a steak snob. Several times per year, I will visit an incredibly expensive restaurant for the right to drop obscene amounts of money on steak. And why do I do this? Mostly because I have numerous and deep psychological issues. But beyond that, because these restaurants serve the very best quality of steak there is. It is called "Prime" and it is at the top of the USDA's grading scale.

This scale has 8 different grades - which are based on the amount of marbling (speckles of fat) throughout the cut and the age of the animal when it was sent to heaven. But for the purposes of this entry (and to keep you from falling asleep), we'll consider only the top 3.

USDA Prime - the best of the best. Only 2% of all beef in the country is Prime, which is the ultimate in tenderness, juiciness, and flavor. These cuts are quite pricey - usually $40 and above - and found at places such as Ruths' Chris, Smith & Wollensky, The Palm and my personal favorite: Del Friscos.

USDA Choice - Choice beef has less marbling than Prime, but it is still high quality. This is the most popular grade of beef because it contains sufficient marbling for taste and tenderness, while costing less than Prime. Just over half of the beef graded each year earns a grade of Choice. If you order a steak at most decent restaurants (i.e., not Applebees), you're likely getting a Choice cut. Generally, these steaks are $35 and below. However, there are a growing number of "nice" restaurants that are selling Choice cuts at Prime prices. Easy enough to tell, though. Look at the menu - the restaurant will almost always boast that their steaks are USDA Prime on the menu. If you don't see it, you're getting Choice. If this is the case, be sure to complain to the waiter and then kick him in the nuts. Just because.

USDA Select - This is generally a lower-priced grade of beef with less marbling than Choice. Select has the least amount of marbling, making it leaner than, but often not as tender, juicy and flavorful as the other two top grades. About a third of beef graded falls into this category. Until recently, most of the beef carried at the supermarket was Select grade. And if you order a steak at places such as Friendly's, TGIFriday's or your local coffee shop, you'll almost certainly get Select. You're better off eating a Big Mac.

So what is my point? Well, I don't have one. Except for this. Apparently, all of the doom and gloom about the economy has had quite a negative impact on the top-end restaurants that serve Prime steak. These types of places depend on businesspeople with large expense accounts and schmucks like me who indulge for a special occasion. Today, expense accounts are just enough to pay for Pizza Hut and anyone with even an iota of common sense isn't dropping $200 on dinner, so the Smith & Wollenskys of the world are really struggling.

And because these restaurants are struggling, they aren't buying nearly as many steaks as they used to. So where is all of this excess inventory going?

Costco. For $9.99 per pound.

I haven't been this excited since I was told that Santa Claus doesn't exist. Before the recession, the only place to find Prime steaks was at the aforementioned restaurants or online through the wholesaler (which included a very high markup). That's it. There simply wasn't enough to be sold through traditional retail channels.

But today? I can go over to Costco (a very convenient 3 minute drive from my office) and pick up 4 Prime ribeyes for less money than what I would spend on one steak at Ruths Chris. Crazy. And freaking awesome.

In the interest of full disclosure, you won't get the exact same taste at home with a Costco Prime steak as you would at a high-end restaurant. That is because the restaurant will let the steak age for a few weeks, season it with a few secret ingredients and cook it at a much higher temperature than you can at home. Still, the Costco Prime steak is more tender, more juicy and more flavorful than anything you can buy anywhere else. And did I mention that it's only $9.99 per pound?

So while most of the world is caught up in their "woe is me" attitude, I prefer to look on the bright side. Hopefully, the nation's economic recovery will be slow, affording me the opportunity to tailgate with Prime steaks at every Pats game this fall.

And although my birthday isn't for another 7 months, feel free to head to Costco and send me an early gift. This deal isn't going to be around forever, you know...

Sin City

It all started innocently enough.

It was February 1996. My friend Mark - he of the 3,000 word comments - was thinking of visiting his brother in Vegas for a week and asked if I wanted to come along. Having finished school the previous December and not yet having started my career, Mark's question was akin to asking the Pope if he would like to pray.

None of the 8 people who read this blog - OK, maybe 7 these days - need to be given a primer on my love of cards and gambling. So, a few weeks later, on a cold snowy Sunday night, we flew to Vegas. Little did I suspect that it would be the first of almost two dozen trips in a 13-year period.

We landed around 11 p.m. and drove straight to Binion's (the birthplace of this somewhat popular event) where I proceeded to pop my Vegas cherry. I sat down at a $5 blackjack table (good luck finding one of those anymore), ordered a Corona and won my very first hand.

And over the next week, proceeded to lose my shirt. It was glorious.

Fun fact: To this day, if I drink a beer while at a table in Vegas, it is always a Corona. Who says I am not a romantic? Um, besides my wife and just about everyone else?

Anyway, back then, "losing my shirt" was somewhat subjective. First of all, the thought of me without a shirt was not nearly as nauseating as it is today. Secondly, I lost about $700, which while significant, didn't exactly drive me into bankruptcy.

Some highlights from that first trip:

• 12 hours after we arrived, it snowed. In the desert. What are the odds? I mean, that must be a once in a lifetime event, right? (hint: this is called foreshadowing) Anyway, it was only for an hour or so and produced barely a dusting, but in the desert any type of precipitation causes the roads to become extremely slippery.
  

• We took a day trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain, just outside of L.A., to spend a day riding some truly kick-ass roller coasters. We woke up at 4 a.m., piled into the family truckster, drove 5-6 hours and when we arrived at the park, it was closed. No, the moose at the gate didn't tell us. The sign saying "Winter hours, weekends only" did. We were there on a Friday and it was 70 degrees. Only in California. And if "traveling across country to visit an amusement park, only to discover upon arrival that it was closed" sounds somewhat familiar, then you should not be surprised to learn that yes, this park doubled as Wally World. Don't believe me? Look here. As a parting gift, we spent the day at Universal Studios, which while nice, was no Wally World.

• Mark and I met up with my uncle Eliot, who was in town on business and armed with a sizable expense account. Where did we go? Ruths' Chris, of course. Not only was this my first time in such a steakhouse, we hadn't walked 10 feet before we saw this 80-something year old geezer hanging in the bar with a 20-something year old blond bombshell on his arm. Vegas, baby. The steak was good too.
  

Over the years, my Vegas visits have been devoted to bachelor parties, mancations, work, last-minute diversions (I was in San Diego and Logan was snowed in, so why not?) and as a tour guide for Jenn.

Why do I love it so much? Beyond the obvious - gambling, great food, endless entertainment options, the over-the-top stimulation of the senses - Vegas is a place where I can truly get away and lose myself for the better part of a week. Nothing really matters except gambling, eating copious amounts of food (as well as a few drinks) and having fun. I have very little contact with, and consideration for, the outside world. It's going to sound cheesy, but Vegas is my oasis.

Financially, my trips have been all over the spectrum: lose a little, win a little, break even (mostly), lose a lot, win a lot. Thankfully, I've never come home with an empty wallet. And yes, I know I've just doomed myself.

And so, with 20 trips in the rear view mirror, I would be remiss if I did not offer up a few thoughts for any Vegas Virgins who may be reading:

• If you are making your first trip, stay on the Strip, ideally in the middle. Your objective will likely be to take in as much as you can and because there is no way you can see all of Vegas on your first trip (unless your first trip is for a month), the best thing you can do is spend a day or so walking up each end of the Strip.

• If you make a return trip, rent a car and and see the sights. There are plenty of neat casinos, attractions and restaurants away from the Strip and you'll save money by renting a car, as opposed to taking a cab everywhere you go.

• If you are planning to gamble, do something that most people don't - learn how to play the games. It is amazing to see people sit down at a table and have no idea what they are doing. Yes, you are there to have fun, but geez, you are playing with real money, shouldn't you at least try and understand what you are doing?
  

• Unless you really like the heat, you should probably avoid going in the summer. One year, I flew to Vegas in late June for work and when I landed at midnight, it was 98 degrees. Weatherwise, the best times to go are late March-to early May or mid September- mid October.

• Be sure to hit "downtown," which is a few miles from the Strip. This is where Vegas really got started and features hotels/casinos that date back to the 50s and 60s.
  

• For those who think gambling is the sure sign of the devil - then why did you elect Obama? Bada bing! Thank you! I'll be here all week! - it is still worth the trip. There is plenty to do: entertainment, dining, shopping, tourist attractions, prostitution. Everyone should see Vegas once.
  

In less than two months, I will be making trip #21 for another bachelor party. While I am reasonably certain that I won't witness my 3rd Vegas snowfall - last December it snowed several inches (remember that foreshadowing thing?) - I am quite certain that win or lose, I am going to have a blast. And a big steak.

Deep Thoughts...

So it's been almost 3 weeks since I've last updated the ol' blog. Know why?

First, because I haven't really had the time. My rambling manifestos can often take up to an hour to write, find stuff to link to, edit and post. Given that this started as a work project, I wanted to do most of the posts from the office, but work has been so crazy lately that there are simply not enough hours in the day.

Second, because it's difficult to come up with topics to write about. Fun fact: I don't like to write. In fact, I borderline hate it. So of course, I end up in a career that requires a fair amount of writing. Why? Because I am an idiot...don't ever forget that.

That said, I do want to keep this blog a wee bit more current. At the very least, twice per week. So, instead of ridiculously long diatribes, I am going to try what most bloggers do - offer reasonably short, concise thoughts reflecting what's new in my world.

When columnists can't think of any one thing to write about, they'll put together a bulleted list of random thoughts. It's the newspaper equivalent of the "flashback" episode of your favorite TV show. It's a dumb and lazy way to generate new content and is generally an insult to your readership. It's also quite brilliant. So, without further ado, here is my list of random thoughts:

• My car hates me. How else to explain the never-ending list of problems (and hence, repairs) that have come up in the past year? Maybe it's anti-semitic? Maybe it's upset because it knows that I am going to trade it in at the end of the summer? Maybe it's just testing my stupidity for continuing to fix it rather than just getting rid of it immediately, as some fairly smart people suggested I do.
  

• I'm not saying I've spent my life savings fixing the car, but my mechanic recently offered to take me on a 2-week vacation for putting his kids through college. I thought that was sweet.
  

• I bought a new patio set and am thankful to Mark for helping me assemble the table. And by helping me assemble the table, what I really mean is, "thanks for assembling the table." However, I was brave enough to try assembling the chairs on my own. And by "brave enough," what I really mean is that Mark had to leave so I was stuck putting the chairs together on my own. There were 6 chairs; four had four screws each, two had two screws each. A total of 20 screws (and washers and nuts). Took me 3 hours. Would have taken Mark - or just about anyone else on earth - 15 minutes. Sometimes, I amaze even myself.

• Here's how close I am to my family. We're throwing my mother a surprise 60th BBQ next month and I was told about it a day before the invitations were sent out. Oh, and can I buy the cake for 70 people? Apparently, this passover dinner thing has legs.
  

• There is a person at the gym who has a mullet, wears a "wife beater" t-shirt and wraps his towel around himself before he gets in the shower...when he is still sweaty and smelly. I think each of these things are odd.

• There are three treadmills at the gym. I regularly use the one on the left. However, every day, a man elects to use the one in the middle despite the fact that the treadmill on the right is unoccupied. I also think this is odd. Did I mention that there is about 5 inches of space between treadmills?
  

• Ruth's Chris or Texas Roadhouse. Which has the better food? Perhaps more importantly, which doesn't have their wait staff engage in line dancing every half hour?
  

• Condolences to Tim Russert's family. However, I think NBC want a wee bit over the top by devoting the entirely nightly news on Friday to Russert. As well as a one hour prime time special Friday night. As well as the entire Today Show on Saturday morning. NBC - you may be in deep mourning, but most of the rest of us aren't. Stop it.
  

• It amazes me that the same special effects which can make hobbits look so small can also make the hulk look so silly. HULK FAKE!
  

Remember when I wrote that I was all done with long blog posts? Forget it.

Got Food?

(WARNING: audience participation requested)

I'm a bit of a couch potato. Always have been and probably always will be, although I don't feel as guilty now that I actually exercise. It's not that I don't like to get out and about, but for me, relaxation is plopping down on the sectional, feet propped up on the ottoman, watching the high-def big screen...ideally with a beer or cocktail (and pizza) in hand.

Although Jenn and I have about 391 channels at our disposal, one channel reigns supreme.

Wait for it....

Wait for it....

Yep, the Food Network...and if you didn't get the foreshadowing, then you obviously don't watch this:



Food Network probably makes up close to 50% of our TV viewing, which is curious for a couple of reasons. First, because I typically handle the remote, meaning that I'm not watching under duress from Jenn. And before you start thinking about how much of a control freak I am, here's how it works in Casa de Jesus: I handle the remote when I am home and Jenn handles it when I am not home. Considering that I can either be home or not home, this means that we each handle the remote 50% of the time. So there.

Secondly, I probably wouldn't eat 75% of the food that gets made on the various shows. I have a rather limited palate and classify myself as a "meat and potatoes...and Italian and Quiznos" kind of guy. I don't like seafood, many vegetables, lamb, some pork, most anything considered fusion, and Democrats. However, I enjoy watching the best of the best at work. Plus, in HD pretty much anything, even frogs legs looks delicious.

(Note: I am pretty sure Jenn is hotter for Giada than I am, so I feel no guilt linking to her photo.)

Sometimes, when watching Rachel Ray make a 17-course dinner in under 30 minutes, I'll think of the hypothetical "what would I have if I had only one meal left on earth?" question. Even being the picky eater that I am, it's a tough choice:

A visit to the middle of nowhere for outstanding ribs? Stay local for the best veal saltimbocca that money can buy? A trip to Antonio's for ridiculously yummy pizza? Or, the best comfort food of all time?

If you know me at all, then you know the answer is none of the above. If I had one meal left on earth, it would be a hunk of manly beef (stop snickering Stacey). Specifically, the Del Frisco's Double Eagle - a 26 ounce, bone-in strip steak that is as close to heaven as I am ever going to come (Jenn putting in a good word will not help). Add a serving of mac and cheese, and I will go a happy man.

And now it's your turn. If you had one meal left, what would it be? I would ask everyone who reads this to leave a comment. There is no wrong answer...if you would choose to have a can of chunky soup, well then, fine. You're a bit odd, but then again, you're not the one whose last meal would cost $150. Feel free to mix and match: i.e., a Big Mac and pepperoni pizza.

I'm asking for comments for two reasons. First, it's a fun topic and will be interesting to see the diversity in people's tastes. Secondly, it will help me start to get an idea of how many suckers, um, I mean friends, actually waste their time reading this blog.

It's easy to leave a comment. Simply click on the "comment" hyperlink at the top of this post and type up an answer in the text box. If you don't have a Blogger account, select the "name/URL" option and type in your first name...for URL, just type a period or dash.

Look forward to reading the responses. As for me, I am off to find my favorite candy bar.